So my son called me out today. He's too little to know it. But he used his great sense of humor and innocence to make me laugh and convict me of my ridiculousness. If you know me very, very well - you would know I tend to panic. Not sky is falling panic, but definitely everything is ruined panic. In the business world this panic is masked by a calm exterior and an even calmer tone of voice. If you hear that tone of voice, things are not well. But at home, where professionalism is cast aside with those blasted stockings and high heels...mine is more of a chicken without a head running around experience. My kids and husband are all too familiar with this. Today it was over not being able to find my church shoes when we were actually running on time for church. What I did find were some post-season 90% off American flag flip flops under the kitchen table...which coordinated nicely with my dress black palazzo pants and purple toe nail polish. (This is where you should also realize my humor completely aligns with old-school Muppet Show humor: sarcasm, quick (i.e. not filtered) wit, with a penchant for being slightly rude but mostly in a self-depreciating way. This would probably also be a good time to mention I blog late at night while I wait for the laundry to finish. And I really, really like parenthesis.)
Going back to those aforementioned cast aside high heels I asked everyone to look for...in my cluttered tiny house - and yes, I have ONE PAIR of church shoes/business shoes/dress shoes. That's not all I own, it's just all I'll wear, and all that's not in some form of storage. Ok, moving on. So I said, too loud and dramatically, I'll admit now, "UGH! I guess I'll just go to church barefooted." To which my son quickly and innocently replied, "Mommy, a bear ate your shoes?!". This is where part of my panic melted...just enough to giggle and explain to him the cute factor. But, due to the still quite dramatic nature of said event...I carried on..."I guess I'll just have to go in my flip flops and everyone will make fun of me at church." Again, Mr. cute and genuinely innocent "At church Mommy? Are they all going to laugh at you? At church?". "Yes buddy, maybe." (PS this was the WRONG answer, and not for the reasons you think...and I'm sure you've already thought of several of those reasons) So we are on our way out...me in my dress clothes and horrifying shoe choice...me honestly naming in my head each of the people who will personally single me out and question my sanity in seemingly innocuous comments such as "Are you feeling all right honey?" and "Are you still working three jobs right now?" or the precious "I'll be praying for you". Oh yeah, I said it. I'll call it out, right here. Right now. There is a population of church ladies, genuine Christian pillars in earnest, who for "I'll be praying for you" means something entirely different than for what it was intended. No doubt they are praying...but not for the things you necessarily could use the prayer for. Sorry. I'd elaborate but I've dug too deep and spent too much time tangent bound already...that and the rest of my story proves I am no better than that. Anyway, so we're driving down the highway about halfway to church and my son says "Mommy, are people in church really going to laugh at you?" "Maybe buddy" (still the wrong answer) And in a completely serious and slightly upset voice he says: "Are those people driving by us laughing at your right now?" "Maybe buddy, probably not" (cute boy child defusing my panic and stress) "And those people mommy, are they laughing at you driving by?" Sigh. Out of the mouth of babes. Maybe next "crisis" I can take it down a notch or so, maybe.
PS We were still on time for church. And the dryer buzzer just went off.
No comments:
Post a Comment